Author Archives: sara holbrook

About sara holbrook

Poet/Author/Educator

Good and Not so Good

“Don’t breathe as you pass by.”

The sun searches for landing pads on the jungle floor, hopping from leaf to leaf. Dawa has picked a small white flower and explained it is used for eye wash, cautioned us not to touch another broad leaf plant because the surface is covered with fine skin penetrating spines that cause insane itching and pain – the only relief is to roll a sticky toad over the assaulted body part to remove the needles – no worry, the toad does not suffer and quickly replaces his gooey body covering. No worry?

This is not the metropark or a tourist attraction, although we are indeed tourists in our sandals and cameras, Dawa is taking us into his village to explain his way of life. Keleki Village is about 20 minutes north of Ubud on the island of Bali and stepping down off the main road onto the red dirt path way is stepping through a portal in a previous century. Which century? Doesn’t matter, they all blend together here. A special festival is being prepared at a nearby temple, but everyday is celebrated by spiritual devotions in the form of round, square and leaf offerings are made to the gods – some high up to honor the Hindu gods of Vishnu & Co. and others placed on the ground to appease the bad gods. It’s all about balance, black and white. Outside every shop in town, every home, and scattered about on the street are offering set there three times a day.

Dawa explains there each day is defined on a master calendar – some days are good for planting, some bad, there are good days for building, for marrying, for traveling and bad days for all of the above – the list is extensive. Naturally, there are good and bad days to be born. We are touring the morning after a bad day to die and one unfortunate had slipped away in the night. The usual practice is for the dead to be carried to the cemetery by the entire village, the spent life celebrated with prayers and song and the grave sanctified with holy water. he has been buried unceremoniously.

According to Bali custom, nothing is all good or all bad – good and bad only exist because of each other. Black and white. Even the Bali bombings which crushed the tourist industry on the island aren’t viewed as all bad, more like an opportunity to look at what was being done to disturb the gods of the underworld in the first place. The bombings happened in nightclub area in 2002 and 2005 and there is hardly a conversation with a local that the tragedies don’t come up.
Our two hour tour turns into a six hour trek along narrow rice paddy lanes and through houses and home shrines. As we pass through the 400 year old cemetery, Dawa explains that every three years they did up all the deceased and cremate them, thereby satisfying both their Buddhist and Hindu gods.

But as we walk up to the most recent grave, Dawa cautions us not to breathe as we pass by. Since the villager died on a not so good day, a hollow bamboo stick was placed in his mouth. After 30 days, they will have a ceremony and holy water blessed from the priest at the local temple will be poured into is mouth. Going out to the rice fields and on our return we file past the bamboo – and do not breathe.

Bali Backroads and mind massage

Whatever happened on super Tuesday?
Has another snow storm hit Cleveland?
Is our house still standing?
Do I have everything in order for school next Monday?

Thoughts of elsewhere dart into my mind like now you see ‘em now you don’t geckos. Not the geckos on commercials who casually offer tea and jam with insurance quotes, but the real little green lizards that are treated like royalty here because they eat bugs. I don’t know if it is the lingering jet lag or just the spiritual magic that hangs heavy in the rain forest, but its hard to think here, there’s too much to experience.

We drive as fast as possible past the morning and evening sunset beaches to a spa owned by Jakarta teachers Hugh and Rita Collett. Well, to put that a little more accurately, a driver from the Alam Sari Spa drives us. Only tourists who have a mad desire to get REALLY in touch with the spirit world would venture to drive out of the airport where traffic lines are for sissies and every four wheeled vehicle is orbited by satellites of motorcylces. There is a fair amount of horn honking, but I notice that it is not aggressive “get out of my way” honking. More like, “hey, I’m over here, don’t hit me,” honking. Lots of speed bumps, everyone gets cut off regularly and there is zero road rage.

The above picture is the corner of our private bungalow for the week. Our bed is decorated with flowers and we look out on a temple that receives offerings from staff 3 times a day.

Having just read Eat, Love, Pray (highly recommended) I know that Bali is a spiritual place, but nothing prepares you for the ubiquitous temples that rise on every corner and rice paddy. Each of the mailbox shaped structures here in the rice paddy is a temple made for offerings to enhance fertility. By all appearances, the offerings seem to be working as Bali ia one of the most fertile places on the planet. A balsa tree can grow 12 centimeters a day! Plant such as bamboo and rice and sweet potatoes are just broken from an exising plant and tucked in the red earth.

Jakarta International HS


I’m three weeks behind in blogging and over flowing with images and notes about our trip to SE Asia. Like a series of red roofed pagodas, Jakarta Airport sits surrounded by palm leaves and blossoming trees. Another American on board shows us how to scoot through the process of purchasing visas and before we know it, we’ve cleared customs and met our hosting teachers Dianne and Kate. Finally friendly faces to put with all those emails we’ve sent over the past months. One bag has lost a wheel, but other than that we arrive in tact. We are driven to Dianne’s house where we will spend the next three days while visiting JIS High School. All told, the trip has taken us 36 hours, not enough of it sleeping.

The first night we have dinner at an elegant hotel restaurant, but I am so tired, I almost take a header into the pesto. Monday morning comes the way it does everywhere else in the world, a little too early and less rested than ideal. Michael and I perform a quick 30 minute set for 1000 HS students and then split up to visit, write, and practice performance with a series of classes.

The assembly is in a dark auditorium, the students file in laden with backpacks, and every thing is very regular from a US point of view except that prior to the show, a caretaker has taken care to line the front of the stage with draped batik and fresh flowers.

The school is a sprawling, two story building connected by brick walkways and overhanging greenery. Students gather on benches and at kiosks to socialize in between classes. The classes are relatively smail, twenty something students, every single one of whom appears to be engaged and attentive to the class – and keeping in mind these are the two days between a major sports tournament and their five day break for the Chinese New Year, this is amazing. We have a great two days and hopefully the students take away not only a poem, but the inspiration to commit more poetry to paper.

One thing I learned for sure: it is not a good plan to fly in on Sunday afternoon and committ to an assembly for 1000 HS students at 7:30AM the next morning. By the end of the day I was spinning, literally. Turn me around fast and no way could I have pinned a tail on an elephant. Thank you to librarian Dianne Salimen for all her background work to make the event a success and for bringing me chocolate to help me make it through the first day.

Kid friendly airport in Taiwan!


Check out the Hello Kitty lounge for girls and the video game lounge for boys. Please also ch

eck out how calmly the kids are playing. We have been traveling 20 + hours and have 4 or 5 more to go — if we totally understood the time changes, it would make calculating easier. One thing for sure — when we get there, we’ll be there. Brushed my teeth, changed clothes and washed my face. Whew, that feels better. Even had a real time online conversation with Kelly. Technology is so amazing.

Poetry to Go


I forget when I first dreamed of being a writer. I’ve always being a note taker. One of my earliest writing recollections was when the principal came over the loud speaker while I was in math class and announced that President Kennedy had been shot. This was before there was a TV in every classroom — the black and white video days — doubtful there was even a TV in the school. Instead, the principal put the radio on over the scratchy squawk box and we listened as the news went from bad to worse and the president’s death was confirmed. I remember reaching into my desk and pulling out my assignment notebook and taking notes — the girl next to me was crying, the teacher was staring up at the box on the wall, the room was still, eyes were glassy with disbelief. I no longer have these notes, but I have a clear recollection of taking them.

Still, I never thought of myself as a potential writer, despite my perverse attraction to office supplies — a new notebook gets my heart pumping. I love the tactile feel of papers and have been known to test pens on inappropriate canvases. I used to sit at my desk, write on pink lined paper with a turquoise ball point pen with funny smelling ink and pretend I was — a secretary. I was a girl. I had already learned the hard way that girls could not make captain in the safety patrol, they could only be lieutenants. Those were the days when jobs were listed in the newspaper under men’s jobs and women’s jobs and in the women’s column were teachers, nurses and secretaries. The fact is, I never even dreamed I could be a writer, that was a job in the men’s column of my twisted little brain. I chose to dream of becoming a secretary because of the easy access to office supplies, I guess.

So this is how I have always lived — taking notes. And over the years some of those notes have turned into poems. Somewhere along the way I started to read about writers. Biographies, notes on their lives, birds by birds, blood on the forehead. Live and Yearn. And somewhere between Virginia Wolfe and Annie Dillard, I fell into the life I never dreamed of, yearning for the sunlit desk, sipping steaming tea by the banks of Plum Creek watching the silent snow and forming perfect words with a fountain pen, because that is what writers do — right?

No where in all the reading I did about the writer’s life (extensive) did I read anything about waiting for hotel shuttles that don’t come, sleeping in a bathtub when the reservation evaporates, sleeping on airport floors, delayed flights that mean no sleep at all. Dreading snow because it means flight delays, lukewarm tea in ballrooms and pens that explode at 20,000 feet. So, whenever I meet a yearner who asks me about the writer’s life — I insist on listing some of the realities. I mean, really.

I checked into the hotel in Lexington this afternoon and dumped my purse on the bed. This is the first stop on a long trip and I’m excited and nervous at the same time. Nervous because I’m watching the reports of a “complex storm system” that threatens to derail the close connections that will enable me to meet up with Michael (brief episodes of freezing rain) and fly on to Jakarta. (We’re looking at several inches and high winds, mayber 30 miles per hour). I haven’t started to bite my nails yet, (temperatures should start to drop off around midnight) but that’s just because my fingers are on this keyboard after thawing out from waiting for the errant shuttle. (reports of some sleet, big area of low pressure)

Tomorrow I will meet some old and new friends at the Kentucky Council of Teachers of English, (pockets of ice), give a talk, sign some books and head for the airport (storm will sweep across IL and IN and into OH) where hopefully the little prop plane (wintery mix, weather advisory, stay tuned for school closings) that brought me here will take me north to get on a big bird that can fly over the storm.

Annie, Virginia — you never said it would be like this!

Gambling on health care

“How much does this CAT scan cost?” I asked the lady with the clipboard.
“I have no idea. Please complete the form on both sides.”
“I mean an idea. Ball park. Say if I didn’t have insurance.”
“Don’t forget to sign and date the form. I really don’t know.”
“Oh.”
“How much does this cost?” I asked the lady drawing my blood.
“Depends on what the doctor ordered.”
“What did she order?”
“Standard workup.”
“How much is the standard work up?”
“Don’t know. Ask the lady out front.”
That’s the lady with the clip board, if she knows costs, she ain’t tellin’.
“How much does this cost?” I asked the lady who operates the big machine that’s going to take pictures of my belly in little slices.
“The machine?”
“No, this test.”
“Didn’t you get pre-approval?” She looked stricken.
“I guess so, I filled out the green form. I was just wondering about the cost of the scan.
“Gracious, I have no idea.”

Next month my health care switches to a $2500 annual deductible, a new plan designed to lower my monthly premiums, gambling I won’t encounter any health issues that require a knife, a drug or a bandaid. I’m sure the women today were honest when they said they didn’t know the costs. I’m sure the costs change depending who is paying the bill. Kind of like when you go to a foreign country and they have one menu for tourists and one for locals, health care providers get a better price. In the land of diagnostics, I’m about to become a tourist fumbling with funny money and unable to read the menu. Even if I knew the language, I couldn’t read the menu because it is all in the waiter’s head and the prices change depending on who’s paying the bill.

Michael and I got cheated at a restaurant in Almaty this way. I know this game and I don’t like it.

The CAT scan was clear, the pain in my side was probably caused by tearing a muscle lifting weights (or books, or suitcases or my toothbrush, who knows about these things). It nags. But what nags me more tonight is wondering what the diagnosis cost. For real. And what I would have been charged next month. Would I have even gone for the test if no one could have told me in advance how much the bill would be? Or would I have just thrown the dice. Who wants to play those types of odds?

Abai and Aitys

“A clock is a ticking thief
stealing life daily, taking it unnoticed,
so that without love and constancy
life is nonetheless just fleeting deception.”

Abai

Do you think now that (for the most part) we have taken the tick out of clocks and replaced the relentless metronome beat with a hum that we are more or less conscious of time passing? I used to have one of those clocks that dropped a slat every minute with a distinctive click. I threw it out within a week because it made me nuts, but was it the sound that made me crazy or the concept? I remember reaching into the belly of my cousin Karen’s grandfather clock to stop the pendulum swing so I could sleep. Time may be passing, but I sure don’t want to be reminded of it when I’m trying to sleep. Abai, Kazakhstan’s most famous poetic son, lived from 1845-1904, and his writings now seem almost as ancient as the images of petroglyphs pictured above. (photo taken at a restaurant where I did in fact sample horse and camel meat and I don’t want to talk about it.) He didn’t much like the Russians invading, time passing or sloth. He liked summer. Who wouldn’t dining on horse jerky and living in transitional housing, a yurt on the bleak steppes where temperatures nosedive below zero for more than a third of the year? His themes are universal, but his poetry is very dark.

I go down to the bottom, and thirstily drink
the venomous poison of days I’ve lived through . . .

Man, have I had days like that. If there is anything more wasteful than just cruising through days unmindful of the clock, it has to be savoring the poison of the past. And some days I just can’t resist picking up that cup and gulping it down. This is why we invented TV and other mind numbing drugs, so our minds don’t take us to belly up to that bar and overindulge on regret. Even in happy times, that cup is there, steaming, its aroma tempting the senses. Maybe this is part of what makes a poet, the nerve (or the obsession) to drain the cup, examine the tea leaves and write to tell about it. The inability to find one’s way back from the past is insanity, always a constant threat.

Modern Kazakh poets compete in slam-like contests (Aitys) on television, ranting about all the same things poets rail against here — the government, the corporations, lack of individual freedom. I didn’t see it, but I did read about the poetic Aitys, which apparently the government tolerates because it is an age old tradition for poets to rant. Pretty surprising for a government that does not let anyone take photos of the post office. Rather than try and silence the poets with incarceration, apparently they buy them off with foreign cars and other rewards. Welcome to the twenty first century and the gulag of assets. For more information on the aitys: http://www.cacianalyst.org/?q=node/4465

Time hums, poets rant, and the effervescence of universal themes bubbles up across cultures.

Kazakhstan, the marketplace

At the open air market place, some vendors keep candles in their vegetable cases to keep the cucumbers from freezing. That’s how cold it is. Imagine doing your marketing outdoors at minus 20F. We did visit a couple of modern malls, but couldn’t afford anything there. In fact it was at the Green Market, pictured above that we found the only bargain: pomegranates for 1/2 the price we pay at home.

Shopping for spices out of bags on a table and not packaged with little hints on the side like “poultry seasoning” betrays our ignorance. In general, the food packaging was much more sparse (and sensible) than it is here. Milk was sold in vacuum sealed boxes that don’t require refrigeration until the seal is broken, or in plastic bags. The local convenient store did not have aisles of bags of chips and snacks, but had fresh buns on a tray, fresh potatoes and onions and an entire wall of vodka. Although there is a minimum drinking age, no one seems too concerned about enforcing it.

I’m not sure how we got out of the market without taking pictures of the horse meat, but somehow we did. Meat just hung in large slabs, tongues and heads prominently displayed. Why not? It was freezing, nothing was about to spoil in a hurry. It would have been fun to sample some of the fare being sold in these pots; we had no idea what was in them. Dishes seemed to contain meat, but in small chunks, not the large slabs we demand here.

Tonight Michael is going to attempt to cook a lamb/beef/noodle dish we sampled for lunch the last day there. We also went to a classic Kazakh restaurant and sampled camel and horse. I didn’t like the texture of the horsemeat, found it strong and stringy, but that could just have been my attitude reflected in my tastebuds.

Some of the best food we had came out of the school cafeteria. Homemade mushroom soup, lasagna, home made apple pastries that really tasted like apples and not straight sugar. It is amazing what kinds of chicken nuggets dipped in cheezewhiz garbage we feed our kids at schools. We saw them pushing in a wheelbarrow sized basked of fresh veggies into the cafeteria to be converted into lunches — nothing pre-packaged. We could definitely learn from that lesson.

So, mostly the US dollar did not go very far in the Kazakh market, but we did manage to score some beautiful felt products. I think my favorite souvenir is a hand decorated necklace from Uzbekistan that one of the conference attendees was kind enough to hang around my neck. I’ve worn it every day since. While I was happy to get home to my local Heinens this AM, I wish I had had more of an opportunity to sample more of what those ladies had cooked up.

Traveling through Kazakhstan with Lenin


Alamty, Kazakhstan does not have soft edges. It is not warm and fuzzy. The sharp air that pinches the nose matches the looks from strangers pushing in line and the spike heels on the women’s boots. The straight lines of the Soviet style high rises are persistently drab in a public housing sort of way and the traffic is merciless. Tension still exists between the Russians and the Kazaks and walking around in public with Michael attracts attention — the consensus is, he looks like Lenin. When the driver told him that we thought it was an abberation, but then it turned out to be unanimous.

The internet connections are uniformly lousy. The wireless at the hotel was so slow I wanted to slit my wrists and most people here pay for their connection per download. I’m not quite sure what that means, but I think it means you don’t just cruise around reading using your stumble browser. We are having a good time, but it is because of the people we have met at the school, not any kind of delight in the surroundings. The cold ranges from shocking to piercing and the smog is so thick that we have been able to even see the mountains since Wednesday.

Last night after the conference wrapped up, Michael and I spent some people-watching time at the mall. Imagine a mall populated by families and the usual proliferation of teenagers where a DJ sets up at 8:00PM and appears to just get rolling. Also try to imagine all these teenagers (lots) and not one single hoodie, no slouching balloon pants and all the girls in tight jeans and spike heels. The spikes are pencil thin and defy logic. Black is the uniform color rather than sweatshirt gray. None of the kids are overweight nor are the girls adorned by the characteristic American muffin top over their jeans. The kids seem affectionate to one another, girls often walking arm in arm or holding hands. There were no inappropriate displays of affection the mood and voices hushed with none of the loud posing that goes on at our local mall. This mall, that seemed so familiar in many ways, was also clearly not.

We were fresh from a dinner at an Italian restaurant where I had no hope of reading the menu and ordered what I thought was spaghetti with tomato sauce and turned out to be dark green spinach pasta with small salmon chunks, roe and a rich white sauce. What an insanely pleasant culinary surprise. And then I decided I had a taste for chocolate and attempted to buy an overpriced ice cream cone, but gave up as one person after another crammed in front of me. People here have a heritage of fighting their way to the fronts of food lines and the concept of lining up and taking turns is as foreign to them as the print on the Baskin Robbins menu was to me. I satisfied my need for chocolate at the grocery instead. The checkout girl was brusque, but at least I got waited on – even though I was traveling with Lenin.

Amaty Literacy Festival



This was a fun two days. Teachers from five locations in Central Asia were in attendance, some coming in on delayed flights and others after their bus was hung up at the border. Conference coordinator Maura Martin had requested that we bring coffee for the start of the conference. Coffee? Isn’t that a staple found on aisle six? Not here, here they have instant Nescafe. The Starbucks was was well received by the traveling teachers.

These teachers are risk takers by nature – they leave the security of home and their local grocery stores to travel to places I can’t even spell to teach children to speak English and study math, science and cultural studies all at the same time. Since it takes a kid an average of seven years to master English alone, this seems equivalent to keeping six balls in the air simultaneously, a remarkable feat of mental multitasking. I don’t know how they do it.

This area is growing so fast and the demand for English language schools is so great that one of the schools has gone from a population of 5 to 50 since September. I was humbled to be there talking to them about poetry and performance. We spoke in the cafeteria which had universal acoustic challenges of all cafeterias, and then in classrooms alive with student artwork.

In one hallway display, 9 year olds had colored in all the continents of the world in different colors, followed by a page where each drew a picture of their home country’s flag (Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, and places all over) followed by another sheet where the students listed their homeland’s best food, music and native dance. At dinner we tried to guess what the native dance of the US might possibly be. Square dancing? Clogging? Break dancing?

The teachers were uniformly and enthusiastically involved and wrote like crazy in all of our workshops. In the picture above the teachers had written a group poem about the skeletal system and then performed it with much bravado, the culmination being when the gym teacher dropped to the ground to demonstrate what a person would be without a skeleton – a blob!

The finale of the two days was a poetry slam demonstration where 7 teachers read with humor and pathos. Everyone applauded the poets and wanted to hang the judges, of course. And there was lots of laughter and good spirit spilling out everywhere. Many thanks to Maura, Russ and Dan for making it all happen.

What I will remember are the intense and friendly eyes of the teachers. Probing. Smiling. People you would want to go to dinner with. People you could entrust your children to for learning. I’m so glad we came.